An Effing Foodie

Meet Synsepalum dulcificum, the Miracle Berry!

When I say "miracle", I'm not referring to the alleged acts of minor divinity that fill up your SPAM box (pushy bastards).

According to NYT and Wikipedia, all it takes is a single specimen of Synsepalum dulcificum, AKA the Miracle Berry, and everything tasted thereafter is sweeter:

The berry...contains an active glycoprotein molecule, with some trailing carbohydrate chains, called miraculin. When the fleshy part of the fruit is eaten, this molecule binds to the tongue's taste buds, causing bitter and sour foods (such as lemons and limes) consumed later to taste sweet. This effect lasts between thirty minutes and two hours. It is not a sweetener, as its effects depend on what is eaten afterwards, but has been used to mask the bitter taste of some medicines.
--Wikipedia

Sooo, in this temporarily altered microuniverse of the tongue, Tobasco sauce tastes like "hot doughnut glaze" and "all wine tastes like Manischewitz":

A large group of guests reached its own consensus: limes were candied, vinegar resembled apple juice, goat cheese tasted like cheesecake on the tongue and goat cheese on the throat. Bananas were just bananas.
--NYT

And of course, jaded urbanites in London and New York have jumped all over the chance to monkey with their palates. 

On Snacking and Rhesus Monkeys

The NYT posted an article today on a study exploring subordinate monkeys' use of high-calorie foods to help alleviate social stress:

Once these foods were available, the low-status monkeys promptly developed an appetite. They began eating significantly more calories than their social superiors. While the dominant monkeys dabbled in the sweet, fatty pellets just during the daytime, the subordinate monkeys kept scarfing them down after dark...

...“Essentially, eating high-calorie foods becomes a coping strategy to deal with daily life events for an individual in a difficult social situation,” Dr. Wilson said. “The subordinates don’t get beat up, but they get harassed by high-ranking monkeys. If they’re sitting somewhere and a dominant monkey comes over, they give up their seat and move away. They’re always looking over their shoulders.”

It's kind of humbling to see your entire high school experience summed up by rhesus monkeys and banana-flavored pellets.

Actually, the NYT is quick to point out why the monkeys are BETTER than us:

“Female humans report that they eat high-calorie foods to make themselves feel better when stressed,” Dr. Zellner says, “but they actually don’t feel better after eating them. Instead, because they are restrained eaters, they feel guilt and actually feel worse. Female monkeys don’t have that cognitive baggage.”

Bear in mind, the rhesus monkey experiment mentioned above observed only female monkeys.

When dealing with a mixed-sex rhesus cage, it became all too difficult to isolate snacking causes, as the females would pretend they don't eat, opt for Diet-Coke-and-salad-flavored pellets, and go to the bathroom in groups. 

Once the males were removed, the females rewarded themselves with Pinkberry pellets, followed by induced vomiting and extended rhesus pilates.

Little D Eatery, Park Slope, Brooklyn

I get a lot of emails and texts that look something like this: My so-and-so is coming to town, and they're not particularly adventurous eaters, but I want to impress them and not spend a lot of money.  Where should I go?

It's been increasingly difficult to come up with answers for this one, particularly in Manhattan.  But if you're not borough-bound, the answer is easy: Little D Eatery.

But EF, you say, Manhattan is chock-full of great restaurants!  Do we really HAVE to cross a body of water to eat cheaply and well? 

Well, no.  But if you don't like to wait in line, don't have the where-with-all to make reservations, enjoy unshouted conversations and don't like dealing with a lot of 'tude, Brooklyn's a better bet, and Little D has yet to disappoint.

With a red-brick, tea light-lit interior and a garden in the summer, it's intimate without being fussy, and feels right for both special occasions and everyday splurging (which has more to do with the quality of the food, rather than the price point).  Bring your mom, your hopeful third date, or the friends you like best.

Formerly called Little Dishes, this cozy spot does serve up their grub in the ever-popular small-plate format, to favorable effect: You will want EVERYTHING.

Don't bring sickies (no sharing = no fun), and make your choices with a well-made cocktail in hand; my mister and I fell for the Manhattan Sec (Bourbon, Lillet and orange twist).

There's a short, well-curated wine list (all available by the glass) and more than a dozen beers by the bottle to keep the suds nerds happy--the staff has a talent for pairing, so don't be shy about asking.

The hardest thing to do here is not get attached--considering how many times I've been here, I should've tried far more dishes, but I just get stuck on my favorites 'cause they're so effing good.

Mystery Bao!

It's been a learning kinda week.  After getting into a scuffle with the scary harpies pushing Chinatown Bus tickets on the sidewalk, I was happy to settle in for the long ride and eat the steamed bun that I'd purchased on the corner.

A little background--my Chinese is terrible, but when appropo, I can and do generally order food in Cantonese, so's to avoid confusion as to what I want.  But since we'd been so freshly screwed by the transportation hawkers, I forgot to code-switch at the bakery. 

I'd asked for steamed pork buns in English: What I specifically wanted were steamed buns filled with barbecued pork (Char Siu Bao, the favorite of dim sum mavens). 

And like a dodo, I didn't realize that my request would translate poorly, as EVERYTHING is filled with friggen pork.