An Effing Foodie

Death by a Thousand Savory Sips: Minca Ramen, East Village, NYC

There is a time and temperature in which bodies will dictate needs.  And grossly precipitating February dictates that right-thinking peeps should drink deeply of salt and spicy pork.

The Effing BroBros answer the Ramen Siren song far more often than I do; I haven't their cravings or patience for Ippudo.

(Tangent: HOW strange is that place, that you have to endure being crammed into a slaughterhouse pen of a bar for an hour +, to finally be set loose in a ginormous circus tent of a ramen house?  My theory: The food is just okay, and it's just starvation-amplified gratitude for space that makes everything taste AMAZING!)

When the fancy does strike me, I prefer a nook or cranny that's a little steamy, laid-back, where the service is endearingly perfunctory.  And when I find myself shoved in the Alphabet reaches of the East Village, primed with hunger and a couple of cocktails, Minca's foggy windows winnow to the top of my sodium-consciousness.

I did invite the Effing BroBros to accompany me, but their answers were the same: Ooooh, that sounds good!  But I don't think my stomach can take it.

My reply to both: What?  It's just RAMEN!  Since when can you not handle ramen?

So 'twas with this brassy hubris that I perched on one of Minca's tall stools with Chocolate Bear, inches away from simmering stock and boiling baskets of stretchy-fresh ramen.

We shared an order of crisp-bottomed gyoza ($4.85):

Juicy, thin-skinned, loosely packed with veggies and pork (no lead-meatball dumplings here, thank you!) there is no more natural companion for Sapporo ($4.75)-- Greasy-savory/swallow, bitter-bubbly/swallow, repeat until depleted.

They held us over nicely until the main event--Chocolate Bear went for the Big Daddy pork broth item on the menu, the Toroniku Ramen ($14):

It may seem odd to some that there's raw vegetal matter sitting on top, but that cabbage = life raft in a sea of pork distillate.  The soup is viscous, just short of a thin gravy that veils the katame (al dente), wavy noodles and hunks of sweet-tender braised pork.  I'm fairly certain that if one were to set this bowl out on the cold sidewalk, it would turn into a bowl of piggy jello within minutes.

Being a sharper creature than myself, Chocolate Bear enjoyed his ramen, but didn't attempt to drain all of this mythical soup.  I, like a gluttonous moron, lapped up every bit of mine:

She was a thing of salty beauty, the Spicy Basic Ramen ($11); let's break it down, shall we?  Clockwise, starting at the pork at 6 o'clock, we've got:

• charsiu (shoyu-braised sliced pork)
• half a shoyu-braised egg
• shredded kombu (reconstituted cured kelp)
• nori (dried, pressed seaweed)
• menma (shoyu-braised bamboo shoots)
• chopped scallions

In a breath, it's land-animal-as-salt (embryonic and fully developed), sea-plants-as-salt (2 kinds), mountain-plant-as-salt.  And scallions.  Oh, and noodles, to soak up this devastating primordial RAINBOW of umami, winking red chili oil, and pork broth that was not quite so collagen-heavy as the Chocolate Bear's Toroniku, but still heavy enough where drinking the whole bowl is inadvisable.

...yet inevitable.  I couldn't stop myself, even though I could feel my insides being embalmed with serious savor and spice, fermented soy and pork fat.  Phuck pearl cream--the Japanese secret to dewy youth is that they're positively lined with salt on an atomic level. 

I Spy: Chocolate-Chip Pancakes and Scallion Scramble

My pancakes may never rival the fantastic light-lush beauties of the Clinton St. Bakery...

...but snow-bounced winter light agrees with them.  Caramel-laced teases.  Good morning, and Kung Hay Fat Choy, they say! 

Toys for Tw@ts: Taste in a Tube!

Photo: JANE MINGAY

Apparently, the folks across the pond have resorted to packing all the hopes and dreams of savory taste into squirty tubes.

With the advent of Taste No. 5 Umami Paste, you too can come to rely on a single product to add flavor to...well, everything, for the low-low price of £2.99 a tube at Waitrose!  

A few days ago I added a new ingredient to the children's supper, only to witness them falling upon the dish like labradors – to the point of licking their plates and the pan clean. The ingredient was fermented red bean curd, a vile-looking, liver-coloured paste that oozed a thin liquid with an obnoxious, ripe aroma...

Score One, Cult of Crust: Frank Pepe Pizzeria Napoletana, Yonkers, NY

Just as top-notch ramen and pork buns are a Hawaiian prerogative, New Yorkers aren't shy about asserting their God-given right to superior pizza.

(Be advised, New Yorkers: Don't eat pizza in Hawaii.  It's just going to give you agida.)

As a transplant, I'm not as invested in the finding the Golden Slice as the natives, but I do appreciate that their standards make it harder to settle for subpar, and am happy to ride the high tide of quality cheese and crust.

To wit: The Dough Whispering universe was all worked up about the opening of Frank Pepe's in Yonkers. OMGOMGOMG we don't have to go to New Haven anymore!

...and then, they were all a little slow to get their asses to Yonkers.  Chuckle.

The Man and I aren't far from Frank Pepe's at all, so we decided to see what the Cult of Crust was going through.  Upon reading the menu, Frank's had me at "clam pie".

For the purposes of the pipingest pie, we should have probably eaten our pizza on the premises, but they looked like they were close to closing, and we didn't want to keep anyone.  We took home one small Original Tomato Pie ($7.70, with mozzarella):

...and one small Original White Clam Pie ($12.30, sans mozzarella):

In my woefully underqualified opinion, these pizzas were FN impressive.  The crusts had an appealingly charred, air-bubbled terrain, and were thin-crisp-yet-nicely chewy. 

Of the 2, I think the clam pie suffered more for not being eaten straight from the oven, but even in its cooled state, it was oceany and rife with garlic, pecorino and a gloss of olive oil. 

But the belle of the ball was the simple plain pie: The woody char and blistered mozzarella, the caramelized tomato sauce marrying all on a lilting axis of rich and savory, sweet and acidic. 

Consider me converted, and pity the fools who can't bear to make it to Yawnkahs.

Pancakes for Dinner! (Pancake Month @ Clinton St. Bakery)

I'm not certain if it's the long hours or the stupid, biting cold, but brinner has been sounding mighty fine of late. 

Clinton St. Bakery knows how to bait people into venturing out, for February is Pancake Month! Every day they will be offering gussied-up gorgeous hotcakes, the likes of chocolate and blood orange pancakes with a candied orange glaze, classic chocolate chunk (pictured above, tender-fluffy-flawless), and pancakes topped with poached pears, vanilla bean whipped cream and warm maple butter, just to name a few.

Clicky-click for your featured pancake specials and schedule!

The pancake specials aren't offered on la weekend, when it's a madhouse; if memory serves, they're even pretty busy for lunch/brekky on the weekdays, so do yourself a favor and fulfill your flapjack satisfaction in the twilight.

And if you miss Pancake Month, don't fret--their Wild Maine Blueberry signature pancakes are a mainstay on their regular menus, day or night, and are even available for delivery to the lucky bastards within proximity.